And you thought you were a no-nonsense mom? With your time outs and your “I’m taking away your cell phone!” Well, say hello to Sonia Marsh.
Meet he Marsh family
Her son Spencer was getting into trouble at El Toro High School. Sonia and her husband Duke took their concerns to a therapist in Newport Beach. He told them that Orange County was not a good place to raise kids. “Go to Vermont,” he told them (that’s where he grew up). “And I said,’Well, what about Belize?’” Sonia recounts.
Good idea, the therapist told her.
Belize popped into her head because she had just had a plumber at the house fixing the toilet and he happened to mention that Belize was the only Carribean country whose official language is English. Living in a third world country in the Carribean sounded simpler, devoid of the temptations of the OC.
With no need for coaxing, Duke quit his attorney job and the couple sold their Lake Forest house and moved into the hut on stilts that you see pictured on the right. Their goal: To “rescue our son” and teach him and his younger brother ”gratitude instead of entitlement,” Sonia told me. “Gimme, gimme, gimme. We were tired of hearing that.”
At first her three sons “weren’t terribly happy” Sonia admits. But the strategy worked.
“My defiant teenager basically was pulled out of this peer pressure environment,” Sonia says. “He got an old sailboat … instead of girlfriends and other bad influences.”
The family stayed one year and returned in 2005 to Lake Forest, where they live today.
The formerly defiant son is now studying engineering at the University of Michigan. You can read Sonia’s blog here: From freeways to flip-flops, How we escaped the rat race, rescued our teenager and found peace on a tropical island.
On Oct. 10, she is heading back to Belize with a gang of OC nurses. This time to return the favor. They will be helping kids, not defiant kids, but rather poor kids, at a clinic through worldhospitalproject.org. If you want to donate, they’re collecting combs, flip-flops, socks (the kids often have only one pair and they get so dirty their feet get infected), nail clippers, small mirrors, Neosporin and band aids.
Great, but not all of us can afford to pull up roots and head to another Country to “teach our kids a lesson”. Glad it worked out, maybe next time she goes she can take my 14 year old.
Newcowboy, thanks for your comment. This is Sonia Marsh, the mom, and I wanted to respond. You can live cheaper in Belize than in Orange County. it depends what you are willing to put up with. Many expats live there in order to save money, so it can be done. It depends on the individual. You don’t have to move to Belize, but I believe that taking our son away from his familiar environment is what contributed to his “straightening out.”
Hi Sonia,
I’m a journalism student at UC Irvine. I’m really interested in this story and would like to write a brief story for one of my classes on this subject. My professor is a former writer for the L.A. Times and really liked this idea as well. Would you be willing to talk with me within the next week or so? We can speak through email or telephone if you can’t speak in person. Please let me know what you think.
Khassaundra
This is a wonderful story. If only more people understood that the parents are the ones who are in charge, not the kids.
Best wishes to the Marsh family, God bless.
Way to go, Marsh family!
WOW…Way to go, two thumbs up!!! That’s what I call a love for your family…
Sonia Marsh probably has a great memoir ready to print. Any publishers checking out this fantastic story?
she’s actually writing her book. not sure if she has a publisher.
Wow! Ultimate Kudo’s….sad not many families would be willing to go this far for their kids….more stories are so needed in this paper.
Great mom, great family. Blessings!
Raising kids in Orange County is not the problem.. The parents are the problem for not instilling values in their kid to make smarter choices.
Glad to hear that the kid changed for the better, but it could have been done without moving to Belize. They only had to resort to going to Belize because they didn’t put out the fire when it was small, but they let it get bigger until it was uncontrollable.
The parents probably set no parameters for him. That kid did not fear his parents, and the parents didn’t put enough emphasis on discipline..
An angry father with out a loud voice and giving the kid a good smacking will change that kid’s behavior instantly.
Thanks for your comment. I wish that raising kids and disciplining them had the precise results that we would like them to have. As with many things in life, there is no one magical formula that fits all children. We have 3 sons and all 3 are different and react differently to discipline.
For you, “fear of parents” as you mentioned above, is a technique that you recommend.
All everyone really wants is a happy and healthy family, and moving to Belize, is what worked for us, after several years of trying other options.
Great story. Glad they were willing to take that drastic step to help change their son’s direction.
Maybe a column on various strategies to achieve those results that people have tried and have worked or not would be interesting. Seems like there are a lot of kids who can get off track and need a bit of a shake up.
I would bet that even Summer missions trips to 3rs world countries where teens would be helping out and get to know people whose life styles are much more basic than their own.
More than just the change of scenery, but I bet the fact that his parents cared enough for him to do that must have made an impression, if not immediately at the time, at least later.
Thanks for your comment. I agree with you about a column on the various techniques people have used, would be interesting. Perhaps someone at the OC Register would be interested.
Having lived in many countries myself, I believe that most kids in OC, don’t get to see how other children live in third world countries. I wanted my own sons to see that, which is why we moved to Belize. I also think that their interaction with a Belizean family and their 4-year-old son–my boys taught him English– was a positive influence they would never have experienced had we not moved as a family. Anyway, this worked for my family.
Hej Sonia
Fantastisk!
Tusind tak Lilian.
Such a great story of using that last piece of leverage when all else fails with a defiant teenager. As parents we have a lot going against us with a culture/media that promotes Idol/celebrity worship, rudeness, commercial exploitation, early sexual experimentation and gross-out humor relentlessly to our kids. “Loud voices and good smackings” (per Andy’s comments above) can have disastrous results, so it’s wonderful to hear the Marsh story of a happy rescue.
Thanks for your comment Arlene. I know we all try the best we can with our kids. Some kids are more challenging than others and sometimes, it takes a completely different approach to get your kids on the right track. I am fortunate to have lived in Nigeria as a kid, and moved around the world. It has made me open my eyes to different options. I love new experiences and so moving to Belize was just another way to try something different. Fortunately our kids learned how fortunate they are to have choices here. In Belize, many kids don’t have a choice. If the parents can’t afford their school books, the kids don’t go to school. They send their kids to the sugar cane plantations to work and earn money for their family. My kids saw that. What a learning experience for them.
I read with interest the Belize story. I did the same thing in 1997 when my three kids were in their early teens.
Belize is a third world country, not an island.
We moved to Belmopan near Belize City, joining friends who had moved the year before. They managed a resort called Bananabank.
Sounds tropical and fun. The reality is you are living in the middle of a rain forest. Snakes in the kitchen, Bats in the bathrooms, snakes 20 feet long in your hallway, frogs the size of your foot, Cougars and rain. Did I mention rain? Bodies floating in the river to be eaten by the gators. No electricity, homes run on generators. Crossing the river by boat and rope to get to your truck parked on the otherside of the river, buying groceries is a two hour affair. The locals are great, but folks from the OC do not fit in. Drugs are more dangerous in Belize than any found in Lake Forest, seldom did I meet a local that was not drunk or high.
Stand-up chicken with rice and beans is all we ate for weeks.
Sonia, you seem to be glamorizing Belize, (which is not an island), you also failed to mention the felons and tax cheats who flee the US for the safe haven that Belize offers them..
We stayed three months. Thankfully, we did not sell our home, and all three kids have grown into amazing adults.
What happens when they return and kill innocent people in a shopping center?
With that screen name, one would think that you already knew:
The described scenario usually results in lengthy prison terms.
Wow. I really want to give a Kudos to GutsyWriter (should be GutsyWoman) for doing that. Aside from removing her sons from our modern, materialistic world, it would also have taught them a lot about how most people on Earth spend their lives, a perspective easily ignored when you spend your lifetime in a more developed nation such as Canada or the USA. Disciplinary intent or no, this was a rich, valuable experience for all family members, which I’m sure will colour the lives of each individual for the rest of their lives (including their perspective and how they view the world and its peoples).
Congrats to you!
Thanks for your comment Sherilyn. Yes, of course you’re right. Belize is a country and we lived in Consejo Shores, near Corozal in the north at first, then moved to the island of Ambergris Caye. So we actually lived on an island. We were isolated from downtown San Pedro as we had to take our boat to get to town, five miles away, so drugs etc. weren’t a problem where we lived.
I returned from volunteering in the Mayan village of Red Bank, and had an amazing experience together with the 11 nurses from OC.
I was surprised to read what you said about bodies floating in the river. That I have not experienced, thankfully. Anyway, thanks for your interesting story.
Azalie, Thanks for your kind words and yes, I do believe that living in a third world country teaches kids from a more fortunate part of the world many lessons that simply watching a TV documentary, cannot teach. I’ve lived in Africa, Europe and many parts of the world, and each place has taught me some valuable lessons.